Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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