There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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