All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
