Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
