If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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