peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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