He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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