I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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