I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
