I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
