i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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