What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
