Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
