I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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