Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
