weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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