Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
