my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my liver is dry heaving
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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