someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Come share oat with me in your robe
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
