I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
