He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
