Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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