He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to calm my uterus...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
