Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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