And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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