She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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