Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
