I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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