He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
