my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The uberlube is also flammable
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
