somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
