Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
