i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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