There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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