I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
