I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
