ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
