k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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