why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
