Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
