i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
