honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
