she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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