you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
