please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
