im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
