Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my shit smells like andre
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
