I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
