You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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