Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
