I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
