Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
