Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
