Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
