He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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