I got chris browned last night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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