hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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