Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
