She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
