My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
