I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
