"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
