he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
