A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
