i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
