Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My feet surprised me
tell me about the eggs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
