i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
